Float away...

I never know what to make of life when there is no dominant voice to be found anywhere. I'd make my own voice, but you know - there is so much INPUT from radically divergent forces. I can't ally, because all my would-be allies disagree. I used to have such a firm hand on what I believed, but that way lies madness and the inherent logical inconsistencies that come with any such hewing to this or that AS SUCH, AS THEY ARE, FROM THEIR OWN SIDES. Sheer madness.

I never really knew this before, but I'm lost without the wilderness - I think a lot of people realize that there's a trade-off when they go to the city, but I feel absolutely LOST. I need natural limits to my stimulation or I'll energetically spend myself into exhaustion and flatness. It's not a matter of loneliness - I've had more social engagement here than I've ever had so instantly in any place I've travelled - it's a bit odd, really. People leave me cold, though - fretting about inevitable boy-girl drama, 'oh-shit-the-world-is-ending' political rants, and money troubles, of which I have enough and with which I'm endlessly preoccupied lately...and yet... I just can't get that INVOLVED lately. It's not that I think I'm above it, it's like I lack the necessary organs for it these days. Maybe it's just lack of exercise due to being sick all these long weeks. I seem to remember not always being so greyed-out.